In addition to addressing these topics and more, this book will
also give you insight from other ministry wives who understand the
delights and difficulties you face. One of the things we tend to lack
most is a "safe" friendship where we can pour our hearts out without
the fear of repercussion to someone walking our same road. Near the
end of each chapter, you will find a "Round Table," which contains
advice and comments from other women serving alongside their
husbands in capacities ranging from the senior pastorate to music
ministry to evangelism. These are excerpts from conversations on
my blog, The Preacher's Wife (www.APreachersWife.com), where
I invite you to visit for fresh, relevant discussions on ministry and
other fun topics. The end of this book includes several computer
links and resources to help you further explore the online community
and camaraderie available.
Our worldwide locations and denominations influence our
role "tides." Whether you are the preacher's wife, the pastor's wife,
the vicar's wife, or the wife of a man serving in some other area of
ministry, I want you to hear my heart when I tell you I've prayed
diligently for you during the writing of this book. I've asked God to
show me Scripture that will guide you through the many common
complexities we share. I've asked Him to reveal His heart to you and
that the experiences I share will resonate with your own. I've begged
Him to let this book be one that will give you righteous confidence
in the leadership role He has given you in your home and church.
By sharing what I've learned as the wife of a minister, I hope to
save you from the pitfalls I've experienced. To spare you a few years
of trial and error in relating to those you serve, to guard you from a
few heartaches, and to let you know you are not alone. To convince
you that your unique gifts and personality can translate into one
fantastic pastor's wife whether or not you are an outgoing hostess,
your flower beds are weeded, or you and the kids are on time for
Sunday school. I pray with all my heart that you know these chapters
overflow with a deep affection for those of you who are married to
the ministry.
God is calling you to do what?
Such was my reaction fifteen years ago when my husband, Luke,
told me he felt God was leading him into the gospel ministry. Even
though I supported him wholeheartedly, I naively believed this calling
was somehow just his gig. My job was simply to accompany him
while he did his "thing."
Reality didn't hit until a wellmeaning gentleman enlightened me on the expectations of a minister's wife. He said, "The best thing you can do for Luke is learn how to play the piano. He'll have a much easier time being called as a pastor of a church. Congregations love it when the pastor's wife can contribute. It's like they are getting two for one!" If I knew then what I know now, I would have had a serious fight with the flesh to keep from sharing my thoughts on the buy-one-get-one-free concept.
The restraint of the Holy Spirit is a beautiful thing. Before that moment, it truly had not entered my mind that anyone would expect anything of me, or that my lack of musical talent could affect my husband's ((success" in ministry. I thought of my childhood pastor's wife, a grim-faced woman whose hair was piled high in a bun. Polyester skirts and sensible shoes were her standard uniform. And, yes, she played the piano. Was this the person I must become in order for God to use our family in ministry?
Talk about an Extreme Makeover!
We moved to Kentucky so Luke could attend Bible college. The first thing I did was to begin comparing myself to every woman on campus who no doubt was doing the exact same thing. The question we were all asking ourselves? ((What in the world does a preacher's wife do?" Our husbands were getting an education on how to become ministers while we were left to wonder how we figured into the equation. I found my answer in an overzealous, pharisaic overhaul of the externals. I began wearing clothes I wouldn't have been caught dead in before mostly suited for three times my twenty-two years of age. I tamed my '80s hair. I calmed my type A personality by yielding in conversation and becoming more reserved. I baked casseroles for every surgery and every baby born. The word that guided my reinvention was Martha. Not the Martha of Scripture, mind you, but Martha Stewart. (Now that I think of it, there isn't much difference, is there?)
It also did not help that the books I read about being a ministry wife only reinforced my insecurities. The advice ranged from how to brew a perfect cup of tea for a ladies' luncheon to how to organize a large staff when hosting a dinner party. According to these books, I was to be gracious at all times, keep a spotless home, and have welldressed, obedient children. I'm certainly not criticizing these noble aspirations, but even before children I was completely overwhelmed at this picture of perfection. I don't agree with the busyness of our culture, yet there is no use in denying I often fall prey to its trappings.
The truth is, I am a wife and mother deep in the trenches. The only tea I brew is Lipton. And staff? Are you kidding me? If I ever have a workforce at my disposal, they will be too busy doing laundry to prepare a dinner for the deacons. And where do I begin with the kids? Someone please tell me what to do with a child who sneaks his Halloween costume under his clothes, strips off in the bathroom, and shakes hands as Spiderman during the greeting song when he is supposed to be in children's church. Susanna Wesley would definitely not approve.
Reality didn't hit until a wellmeaning gentleman enlightened me on the expectations of a minister's wife. He said, "The best thing you can do for Luke is learn how to play the piano. He'll have a much easier time being called as a pastor of a church. Congregations love it when the pastor's wife can contribute. It's like they are getting two for one!" If I knew then what I know now, I would have had a serious fight with the flesh to keep from sharing my thoughts on the buy-one-get-one-free concept.
The restraint of the Holy Spirit is a beautiful thing. Before that moment, it truly had not entered my mind that anyone would expect anything of me, or that my lack of musical talent could affect my husband's ((success" in ministry. I thought of my childhood pastor's wife, a grim-faced woman whose hair was piled high in a bun. Polyester skirts and sensible shoes were her standard uniform. And, yes, she played the piano. Was this the person I must become in order for God to use our family in ministry?
Talk about an Extreme Makeover!
We moved to Kentucky so Luke could attend Bible college. The first thing I did was to begin comparing myself to every woman on campus who no doubt was doing the exact same thing. The question we were all asking ourselves? ((What in the world does a preacher's wife do?" Our husbands were getting an education on how to become ministers while we were left to wonder how we figured into the equation. I found my answer in an overzealous, pharisaic overhaul of the externals. I began wearing clothes I wouldn't have been caught dead in before mostly suited for three times my twenty-two years of age. I tamed my '80s hair. I calmed my type A personality by yielding in conversation and becoming more reserved. I baked casseroles for every surgery and every baby born. The word that guided my reinvention was Martha. Not the Martha of Scripture, mind you, but Martha Stewart. (Now that I think of it, there isn't much difference, is there?)
It also did not help that the books I read about being a ministry wife only reinforced my insecurities. The advice ranged from how to brew a perfect cup of tea for a ladies' luncheon to how to organize a large staff when hosting a dinner party. According to these books, I was to be gracious at all times, keep a spotless home, and have welldressed, obedient children. I'm certainly not criticizing these noble aspirations, but even before children I was completely overwhelmed at this picture of perfection. I don't agree with the busyness of our culture, yet there is no use in denying I often fall prey to its trappings.
The truth is, I am a wife and mother deep in the trenches. The only tea I brew is Lipton. And staff? Are you kidding me? If I ever have a workforce at my disposal, they will be too busy doing laundry to prepare a dinner for the deacons. And where do I begin with the kids? Someone please tell me what to do with a child who sneaks his Halloween costume under his clothes, strips off in the bathroom, and shakes hands as Spiderman during the greeting song when he is supposed to be in children's church. Susanna Wesley would definitely not approve.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)